"What Breaking Up And Getting Back Together Really Means"

(extracted from a Marius Panzarella newsletter)


A lot of people think that it must be "true love" when a man and woman keep on getting back together after breaking up. They think it means the couple love each other so much that they can't stay away from each other for too long. All the break‑ups and complications just mean they are the modern equivalents of Romeo and Juliet.


As a dating coach who has seen lots of cases over the years, I'm afraid I do not agree with this rosy view. I actually think that if a couple keeps on breaking up and getting back together, it's a sign that maybe the couple should NOT be together after all.


Think about it. If you really belonged together, then you shouldn't have broken up so many times in the first place. Instead of breaking up and getting back together so many times, you should have been happily married by now. The fact that you have never been able to STAY together for long is a sign that your relationship has too much drama involved.


If you have trouble staying together, it means one of two things. You guys either do not have the skill to stay in a relationship together, or you guys simply do not have the right personalities to stay together without clashing.


If you belong in the first category, then you should make a commitment to start working on the relationship together. Make it clear that the next break‑up will be permanent. Go see a relationship or marriage counsellor if you have to. Do everything you can to work on the relationship. This is your last chance.


If you belong in the second category, then you should really look for another partner. Character is hard to change and if your personality clashes too much with your partner's, it's a sign you need to find someone who is more compatible with you no matter how high the attraction is. (As I say all the time, just because you are attracted to a person doesn't mean you should be with them, just like drugs may make you feel good, but it doesn't mean you should do drugs.)


Here's a little meditation for you to do. Let's say you have been on and off with your partner for eight years. Assuming you live to 80, that's about 10 percent of your life gone. What could you have done with that time had you found another partner who is MORE COMPATIBLE with you? Would you have been happily married by now? Would you have had more time to spend on other areas of your life? Would you have been a more productive person if you didn't have to spend so much time and energy on a CRAZY relationship that is *still* going nowhere
today?



Think about that for a minute.


Now...think about your future...


Are you ready to spend ANOTHER eight years of your life on a relationship that has gone nowhere in the past eight years, especially when you may not even stay together in the end because your personalities clash too much? Don't forget that permanent baggage is added to a relationship every time you break up and get back together. So your chances of staying happily ever after will DECREASE each time you get back together.


Think about this really hard, as it *will* affect your life!

Hmm... I totally agree with Marius, because, well, frankly, I EXPERIENCED it. I'll bet many of you didn't know that in my previous relationship, we actually broke up twice (she initiated) and somehow, I was crazy enough to still want her back, because I thought I could change the things she didn't like about me or the relationship. Seriously speaking... I didn't know better lor... Trying to be a hero mah... as the song goes... "Love changes, changes everything... love makes you FLY..." (Climie Fisher) And look at where I am now... happily involved with a wonderful and beautiful woman who accepts me for who I am, hardly ever complained about anything and loves me absolutely and vice versa.

Arguments or fights are good, but if it happens TOO often, like every day or EVERY HOUR, then, something is seriously WRONG. Why go about changing yourself when that is going to make you become somebody you are NOT? We all know that COMPROMISE is a very important element in a successful marriage, and I agree. But you will have to work that out yourself, just HOW MUCH could you compromise? And DON'T EVER think that he or she will become BETTER after getting married... it's only going to get WORSE! So that's why I say, if you are ALREADY compromising A LOT now before getting married, GET READY for TONNES of stuffs you would have to tahan and compromise after tying the knot. Is that why many marriage break down because one party thinks that things will "work out" or improve after getting married? Hmmm...

Oh well... here's the beautiful and cute song...